I’m awake at 5:15 on a Saturday morning. I really don’t like being up early on weekends, but this morning, excitement, anticipation and fear have had me awake and praying for the past 30 minutes. But I’ve been doing more than that, I’ve been thinking about how blessed I have been over the past six months.
The reason I’m awake this morning is because I get to have a final rehearsal with my choir and handbell players, as well as adding in 19 instruments in preparation for our Christmas cantata tomorrow. I’ve never directed anything this big before, and preparing for it has definitely challenged my conducting skills and abilities. Mainly because I haven’t used my conducting skills. I had to be the accompanist and director, which didn’t ever work well.
But over the past six months, I’ve been pushed. I’ve been challenged. I’ve put together a music camp that 30 children showed up to, within a month and a half of starting! I didn’t think that was possible! But guess what? It was, because it was part of God’s plan, not mine.
I shake my head in awe and amazement of what God has done in my life and in the life of my family over the past six months. It’s not because I’m perfect. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, big and small, over the past six months. And in the future, I will probably make more mistakes. But this morning, I am thankful for God’s provision in challenging me to become a better musician, a better director, and to fall back in love with music that I had grown tired of.
While this morning I am tired, and by tomorrow afternoon, I will be exhausted, it all will be worth it. Having the opportunity to lead God’s people in worship is always worth the effort. And allowing God to work in you and through you, despite your flaws, is always worth the effort as well.
I’m excited to see what the next six months bring. And the next, and so on. God has a big plan, far bigger than I can see. I’m thankful that He chose me to be in this position that I’m in. Because I’ve found that over the past six months, my doubting of myself and my abilities has diminished significantly. Oh, those doubts are still there, they’re just becoming less and less.